you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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