She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize