I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
