my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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