In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize