I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
