You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
