best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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