I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
