i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
