I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
