I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
