i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
