Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize