I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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