i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
