paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
