I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
