I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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