we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
