Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
