my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
