FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
