Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize