if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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