i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
