They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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