The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
