I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize