after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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