Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
