speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize