I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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