I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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