I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
