would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
