Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
