I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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