not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
