Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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