Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
