Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
