is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
