he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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