I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
