Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
