So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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