Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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