remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
