Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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