Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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