At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
