Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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