I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
