i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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