I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
