Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
