take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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