Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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