ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize