He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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