"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i believe in u and ur pee
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
