I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
