I murdered the dance floor call the cops
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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