I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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