On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
