I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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