i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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