i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
