Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
