This girl is more easily done than said...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
