I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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