DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the barista slut.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
