he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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