so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize