When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
