somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
