i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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