now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
