do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
