Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize