You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
