I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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