dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
