every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
