a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
