this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
