you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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