I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
