My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
