belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
