when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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