well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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