O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I supernannyed him into submission
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
