only if we run a train.
done.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
