Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
