I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
