Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
