I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
