I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
