u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
