I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize