After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
