saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
