I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
