you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
