So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
