How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
