don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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